yelled:

when you wake up early in the morning and sit on the edge of your bed like

image

j6:

indepenisday:

Banana Knuckles (organic edible brass knuckles) with mp3 player

okay what the fuck

modestmgmtofficial:

everything’s so funny when u use the wrong measurement:

  • 5 gallons of homework
  • mouthful of lint
  • 20 degrees of facial oil
  • 7 pints of china
  • handful of fergi
  • 60 mph of dad
kiva-la:

"hi i’m sailor mars welcome to jackass"

kiva-la:

"hi i’m sailor mars welcome to jackass"

(Source: ribbonchocolate)

(Source: vinebox)

onlinegf:

srooky????????

onlinegf:

srooky????????

(Source: springfieldusa)

waitress: i'm sorry we're all out of mozzarella sticks
waitress: sir please stop cyring

gryfinz:

whenever a cartoon/anime uses that weird ‘pattern on a background layer that doesn’t move with the actual object that has the pattern’ i always think “hey it’s that thing from Chowder” even though I’m sure it was used long before Chowder

digivolvin:

last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up

me: home alone yes time to fuck shit up and be rebellious
me: uses computer without headphones

motherfuckingdragonsyo:

I made an old lady blush today at work because she ordered two senior coffees and I said “SENIOR ? I’m sorry miss, i’m going to have to ask to see some ID.” and she covered her mouth and went “Oh dear me” and couldn’t stop smiling

rabioheab:

my dog was supposed to be a police dog but he failed the training for it because he was too much of a wimp. the trainers said that when he was supposed to be attacking dummies he’d run up to them and roll over and wag his tail and they also said he was the worst failure they’d ever seen